Of Love, Life and Self

This week has been a self-discovery and realising big epiphanies of love, of life and myself. With the backdrop of watching ‘Before Sunrise’ and reading ‘City of Girls’, these noteworthy seven days have come full circle.

You can say that for the past few months, there is a guy I’ve been closer to. While he is not on my mind 24/7, he is in it enough for my head to be reeling. Everytime we meet, I will understand more of him- his ways, his personality, his life. And every time we meet, I like him more and more. Despite this, we are not meant to be together- just two individuals crossing paths once in a while of their own accord. I think this beautiful line by Celine in ‘Before Sunrise’ is very real and therefore, very true: If there’s any kind of magic in this world, it must be in the attempt of understanding someone, sharing something. Perhaps we are kind of like that. Perhaps we are meant to catch up with each other once every few weeks and have long, deep, endless conversations when we meet. Perhaps it is not about him or me, but just that little space in between. That connection. And that is enough. 

With that thought in mind, I think I have come to understand the timing of things. What is meant to be, is meant to be. In the past week alone, I had the opportunity to meet so many people- a wonderful team of colleagues and professors from all over the world. They all have their life stories to share and I was blessed to be able to listen to them. To me, life is miraculous in the sense that people who meet, no matter for how short an amount of time, are meant to meet at that exact moment. The universe has arranged for two unassuming souls to share something, and that in itself is wonderful. Therefore in the future I am excited to meet more people, to interact with them, to be inspired by their goals and passions, and discover their ways of life, their aspirations and open myself to new experiences. 

The last realisation hit me when I was reading ‘City of Girls’ by Elizabeth Gilbert. The female protagonist, Vivian Morris, is such an inspiration. Despite fooling around too much and living recklessly when young, she grew up to be a mature, confident and self- reliant woman. I want to be like her. I want to be strong. Independent. Despite having a long way to go, I want to spend the next few years to stumble around, to make mistakes, to learn from them. In the process and trusting the timing of things, I want to figure myself out, to find myself and to create myself. Perhaps I will turn out to be drastically different from Vivian, but the novel taught me to live life the way I want since the world isn’t straight. To devote the time and space to myself like Vivian Morris did, to soul-search; that is what I want to do.

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